Heavy heart..........

Wow, my heart feels like it's made of lead. And simultaneously I feel so very empty, how can that be? Oh who knows, I'll probably live my whole life without ever understanding why an emotional response is also so physical, so visceral. Having children has made me raw inside, so that their every happiness, mistep or move away from me shoots like an electrical impulse through my entire body. I knew taking Garrett to his first day at Kindergarten would be tough, that's just a normal expectation. But I guess I hoped it would be more like a happy sadness to see him there, not a gnawing, aching sense of loneliness and loss. Ugh, that sounds so melodramatic when it's not such a big deal, just a few more hours a day that he'll be away from me, learning and making friends. How do you explain it though, that desire to see your children happy on their own combined with the sorrow of not keeping them close......I don't know. I just know there will never be another connection in my life like the one I have with my babies. They are the only thing I've ever created completely with my own body (ok, with a LITTLE help from Reid :p) and certainly the best thing I will ever do with my life. I'll get over it and go on with my routine, and Garrett will love Kindergarten like he loved preschool. But I know there will always be moments like these when I stop and realize how far we've come as a family...and feel my heart is little too heavy.