The new normal...

is not normal, yet. But it is our reality now, and we're doing our best to adjust. I am so grateful for the love & support of the people around me. Their generous acts of understanding& compassion, not to mention just listening to me whine (and cry) have gotten me through this week with my sanity intact (as intact as it gets anyway - hee hee). I thought I was decently prepared for my big transition to school and leaving Juliana in someone else's care, oh and getting Garrett to/from school and helping him to adjust to Kindergarten. Alas, such is the nature of change and stress that you're just never completely sure how things will unfold and how you will react. Getting the kids where they needed to go and myself to class on time proved to be a huge challenge, and that coupled with a dawning understanding of the expectations of the Rad Tech program and Juliana's allergies had me pretty exhausted and weepy. Really, for me, the most difficult aspect of all the changes was not the difficulty of doing what I needed to do, but the gnawing feeling that it would affect the kids' well-being. Completely irrational, I know, I know.....*sigh*. Juliana was with someone I trust completely and Garrett is experiencing a rite of passage we all survived just fine. But when your whole life and focus have been devoted to one goal; the well-being of your children, it is not an easy thing to stop completely micromanaging. I couldn't switch off that part of my brain (will I ever? lol!) and it tormented me, even while I was trying to assimilate huge chunks of information in school and somehow wrap my head around what life was going to be like for us all in the next two years while I'm devoting so much time to the program. So there it was, a couple of emotional, sleepless nights when I needed them least, and not even a husband in the same town to share it all with. He did his best to comfort me over the phone though, and I know those days & nights were just as difficult for him. Through it all however, I knew I didn't want to quit school. It's going to be tough, it's going to make me wish I had a clone devoted to learning physics and taking the heat when I make stupid mistakes (who, me?? ;) ), but it's also going to be something I feel incredibly proud to accomplish. I will know I survived, and hopefully excelled, at a course of study that will ultimately make our family more secure financially, and that will give me great personal satisfaction. All of that stuff doesn't come easily, and I just had to tell myself that even if it doesn't get easier per se, it will get more familiar. We'll do this as a family, and be better for it. The small kindnesses of this week (thank you again for the surprise Janice you sweet thang!) were a wonderful reminder that I'm not alone, that a strength greater than mine exists and that I can depend on it. All I have to do is look at the flowers Reid brought home from Grand Junction (he stopped to get them after an exhausting drive) to remember that the love in my life is far greater than the difficulties I have to face. What's that saying about a silver lining? It's worth remembering. :)